Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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