is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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