The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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