so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
