I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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