If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
