so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
