Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
