my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
