Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
