I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
