my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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