Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I forget how to act sober
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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