I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
