just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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