Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
