In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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