Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
