too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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