I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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