fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
