just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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