Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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