i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
