STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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