At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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