Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
