Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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