Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
