Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
