piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
