3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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