does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
