HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
