Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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