This girl is more easily done than said...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
