a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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