You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
