Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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