the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So vagazzling was a success
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
