he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
