my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
