all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
