This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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