My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize