I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Randomize
