He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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