my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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