Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
