While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
