i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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