you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
