I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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