so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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