Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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