So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
