So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
