i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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