love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
