I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
