Please, let me fuck your mom
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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