I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
