Nicole vs. Life
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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