I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize