when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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