Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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