I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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