I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
