Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
