and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Me too!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
