How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
