im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
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