jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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