I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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