Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
