He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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