"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
