Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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