im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
