I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize