how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The best revenge is premature balding
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
