i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
