You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
