Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize