No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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