I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
